The main problem with this one is that I took a shift to work out in Worcester for the morning before I was scheduled to audition. I had never been to Worcester, and its distance from Boston was sorely misrepresented by my superiors. On top of that I had taken a carpool out there, so my driver wasn't in as much of a hurry as I was. They did let me practice my monologue in the car for them though, and timed me to see if it was less than a minute.
Once we departed, my girlfriend offered to drive me the rest of the way to the Club Cafe on Columbus Ave. I called ahead to tell them I was late. They invited me, meaning they must have WANTED to see me, which means they shouldn't mind too much, right?
I was an hour late.
I approached the front entrance of the building and found a man on a cigarette break. "Not this way," he said, "Go around the side." So I went onto Berkeley and entered the building from there. The security guard pointed me down a hall that lead to the lobby before for the Club Cafe. I was now on the other side of the door that the smoking man didn't let me go through.
I spent about a minute wondering how I could get in to the Club Cafe when the door was locked. The thing I find about auditions in unusual locations is that they're inevitably difficult to find, and when you ask someone nearby "where the auditions are," they usually don't know what you're talking about.
Anyway, I found an alternate entrance into the Club Cafe by following the sign reading "Restrooms". I looked through a window into the adjoining event room to see a trio of people looking at something out of view. One spotted me. I waved. He gave me the "just a moment," sign.
A moment later she exited with a woman, handing sides to her and another man who was standing outside with me. "Terry, right? Just a sec."
In the time it took the two other actors to introduce each other, I was retrieved and brought before the creative team. "You were from StageSource, right? Do you plan on doing it again this year?"
Then they asked to name one great thing that happened to me. "I, well... my girlfriend drove me here."
Then I did my monologue, the only one I could fit into one minute like they requested. Despite all my practice, I remember coming to a palpable halt in the middle of it. It didn't help that I was sick with a cold.
Afterward, they asked me if I knew a joke. Fortunately, my girlfriend subscribes to the Old Jews Telling Jokes podcast, and I could remember one. I embellished a lot, but here's the essence of it.
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.After a few seconds they laughed. Then they thanked me for coming.
One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?" The other replies, "Oh sure I do."
The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?
I walked past the two actors reading the sides and left. Through the Berkeley Street entrance, of course.
6 headshots remain.